There are gaps in my itinerary, I’ll warn you now I have yet to tell you about Lake Como and the epic road trip that was Spain. And it will come. I promise. But between now and then, I’m going to indulge in that thing that bloggers do (apparently), write stuff down on a page. Stuff that people may or may not read, because it makes me (the blogger) feel better to get it out in the open than keep it to themselves. Are my senseless ramblings, non travel writings going to add any value to YOUR life? Well I’d surmise for the most part… perhaps not. I’ll try to keep it interesting, but for right now, I’m going to write because it makes me feel better, connected, a little bit more a part of the world I’m daring to live in.
On that note. I’d like to state for the record (hear that world, I’m putting this down in writing on THE RECORD FOR YOU TO REFER BACK TO WHEN I’M DRUNK AND HIGH ON LIFE)…that this is hard.
Right, so what is this I hear you asking your screen as though it might respond. Well this is this, it’s sitting at a friend’s computer screen in Dublin, because you don’t have your own. Its clutching a glass of chardonnay for dear life while you apply for jobs you’re crossing every single one of your limbs that you might just get CONSIDERED for, let alone interviewed for. It’s looking into the corridor and seeing your life in a giant overflowing suitcase surrounded by Primark bags and a newly purchase Ikea quilt. It’s knowing that despite the love and amazing hospitality (without which I would be homeless and freezing) from a family you met less than 6 months ago, and despite the support of your best friends just across the ocean in Germany, London and Sydney that I am actually doing this by MYSELF.
It’s hard. It’s scary. It’s very very scary. It’s uncertain, I’m on shaky, unfinanced ground. Without a job, vegemite, my car, my shoe collection…my family. Here I am though. Showing the universe my open palms, my willingness to learn, to let it teach me. A sophomore at a brand new school, I’m going to have to take this all in (again). I’m going to have to trust my instincts, have some faith and grip my destiny in my two little hands.
So there it is. I’ve told you that this is hard. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not without its rewards and its magical ‘oh my god, this is amazing’ moments… I guess that’s why we do it…this is just that honest look at the reality of how it feels sometimes. Shite. Lonely. Terrifying.
I’ll let you know how it goes…what happens next, the new faces, places, moments and once in a lifetime opportunities that God willing follow the fear.
Until then, I’m pouring myself another chardonnay, applying for another job, listening to the Script (culture immersion) and readjusting the balls I had to do this in the first place.